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As Pee-Wee’s Playhouse enters 35th season, Reubens weighs in on entirely new phenomenon: cancel culture

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“While it’s something that would never happen with the past generations, the people and things that seem to be getting cancelled are in someway harmful to others,” said Pee-Wee’s star and creator Paul Reubens. “It’s not as if they are canceling people doing something viewed as deviant in an age-restricted and appropriate environment. If that were the case I could understand the outrage.”

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6 Year old’s drawing inspired new USPS vehicle design

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“I spaced on the deadline, but my daughter was excited that daddy was designing a mail truck. She was drawing them non-stop,” said Oshkosh Defense designer, John Marks. “I quickly modeled and rendered one of them thinking they’d never award us the contract… I am not very popular with the engineering department right now.”

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WHBL parent co. to fill Rush Limbaugh’s time slot with your racist uncle

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“He makes racist, xenophobic, sexist, and homophobic statements that he plays off as jokes, and he blames most of America’s problems on ‘socialist, communist, Marxist liberals’, or Hillary Clinton,” said Midwest Communications CEO, Joe Goebbels III. “Due to years of Limbaugh’s amazing work, our listeners are incapable of independent thought, so we doubt they’ll even notice.”

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Wisconsin family loving Texas vacation

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“Its been absolutely gorgeous here!” said Katie Brooks of Random Lake. “I haven’t had to run out to the car and sit in it yelling swear words due to below zero windchill temperatures once!”

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GOP lawmakers demand investigations after President Biden authorizes ‘Red Shell Strike’ without congressional approval

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“This type of unilateral action by the President is unacceptable,” said insurrection supporter and shit fountain, Senator Ron Johnson. “This kind of blatant power-up grab should not be tolerated regardless of which party holds the presidency. Both House and Senate GOP leadership must begin investigating this disgusting act immediately.”

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DPW Suggests driving bladed vehicle; learning to hockey stop

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“Drivers should learn to hockey stop, or start braking at least two blocks before they hope to stop,” said DPW Director, Dale Bieber. “Its just too cold for salt to be effective. We could use sand, but that costs money and we’re saving up for a pizza party.”