A not-so-silent night in Sheboygan: Santa’s helper stuck in power plant chimney over Christmas holiday.

Santa revealed that the incessant noise from the Edgewater power plant was due to one of his helpers getting stuck in the chimney. ‘He was just stopping by to pick up coal for the naughty kids,’ Santa explained with a chuckle. ‘We’ve docked his pay and put him on unpaid leave for the disturbance,’ he said, after the relentless drone that disturbed Sheboygan’s peace was silenced early on December 26th

Future Headline: Former city official ‘tricked’ by federal judge into repeating racial slur

From some time in 2024: “As part of city officials’ vast plot the federal judge tricked me into saying it again by asking me to recount the event,” Pelishek declared, “I’m certain they’re trying to tarnish my reputation to get their hands on my secret cache of vintage Dunkaroos. Everyone knows those snack treats are the true power behind city planning!”

Wildfire haze in Sheboygan triggers fond memories of smoke-filled taverns

“I haven’t inhaled air this smoky since my regular Friday nights at Burp’s. It’s such a potent reminder of my younger days,” muses Dorothy Kowalski, of Sheboygan. “These young folks with their clean-air bars, they just don’t know what they’re missing. There’s a certain charm in coming home with your hair and clothes steeped in the scent of an active, bustling night.”

Local man boycotts fishing, claims catching “woke” trout has ruined his pastime

“For years, I’ve been fishing here and I had never so much as seen a trout with rainbow scales,” lamented Glenbeulah native, Frank Dobson, who claims to have no issue with rainbow trout “doing their thing” in other lakes. “What irks me is when they start flaunting their rainbow scales, swimming around, enjoying their lives, biting on baited hooks. . . It’s like they’re forcing their agenda on me.”