Anti-choicers excitedly hold signs representing cellular mass that lacks the qualities necessary to be considered human

“Before Roe v. Wade was overturned I spent every day of my adult life holding up pictures of aborted fetuses, but for the last few months I have felt like my life no longer had purpose,” said Richard Harms. “So, when I had the chance to support Dan Kelly, a group of cells that also lacks the qualities necessary to be considered a human, I jumped at the chance.”

South High bans internet after finding banned books extremely easy to get online

“It was surprisingly easy to find these books online,” said the power drunk principal. “Both ‘Fun Home’ and ‘Are You My Mother?’ are legally available to be checked out with a quick search on and we found ‘Gender Queer: A Memoir’ by simply typing the book’s title along with ‘’ into google. That’s just unacceptable, so I had to pull the plug on the internet to keep our kids safe.”

Experts predict high chance of snow related small talk in coming days

“As the possibility of snow approaches, people are already starting to stockpile their go-to snow storm related complaints and conversation starters,” explained linguistics expert Dr. John Brown. He warns that it could become difficult to travel anywhere without running into some snow related discussion and recommends staying in if at all possible.

WHBL recognized with Shirley R. Fuller-Witt Journalistic Lion award

The Award from the Depress Institute honors the lack of journalistic integrity displayed in WHBL’s Nov. 8th coverage of City Administrator Todd Wolf being placed on on leave. “At first we were worried that someone else had started writing satire,” said the Depress Institute’s Chair and only member, Chaz Cole. “Spreading wild conspiracy theories of a diversity group being capable of quietly orchestrating Wolf’s failures to get him suspended would be hilarious as satire, but to do it with a straight face… kudos. Enjoy your, well earned, award.”