Sheboygan Depress (https://sheboygandepress.com/author/sheboygandepress_3mrfo5/page/12/)
“We didn’t shoot until the fire threatened our lives,” said Wade Miller whom drove into Oregon from Idaho to “protect our community”. “We also brought an extra 500 gallons of gasoline for the firefighter’s vehicles, but we left it behind when the fire continued to advance on us.”
“We just don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to give a shit about the community’s opinion of him,” said Sharron Krier of Sheboygan. “I think if we would have harassed him even more, maybe he would have grown into a well adjusted adult.”
“Sports and politics shouldn’t mix,” said Scott Schmidt. “So I’m going to the bars to tell people I’m boycotting NFL games. If I happen to accidentally see how the Packers are doing, I guess that’s just my cross to bear.”
“I can’t believe we took terrorists so seriously. They didn’t even kill anywhere near as many people as the flu,” said Bob Hirsch of Kohler.
On the day of the filing deadline we tried to Wake Up Mr. West on time and we swear we Heard ‘Em Say we had until 5:01. He’s trying to Touch the Sky, not help the President and the First Lady (Gold Digger) remain in the White House as has previously been reported.
We’ve all seen the video of him drowning them one by one, but we really need the important facts before jumping to conclusions. What are his political views? If they align with mine, I will gladly argue it was self defense. If not, he probably deserves the chair.
“I was just DMing god on twitter. He says you better be in church on Sunday,” wrote Milwaukee Archbishop David Berg in a letter shared by Sheboygan North Catholic Parishes to local parishioners. “Our collection plates have been empty AF. God says the only thing ‘lit’ about that will be your souls in hell if you don’t start paying up.”
“Look at this amazing event that required some nobody to spend countless hours of work cutting through red tape and navigating the procedures of five different city departments!” said Sheboygan Mayor, Ike Pandersteen standing with members of common council in a video released Monday. “We’re just really proud to not have actively obstructed this event like we do for so many other great ideas in the city.”
“Despite years of being a weird asshole, people always seemed to want to give me the benefit of the doubt,” said former alderperson, Joe Busey. “With this amazing movement I can make clear once and for all that, it’s not just a few quirky beliefs, I am a giant annoying douchebag!”
Campaigns, rallies, ads, and the endless news cycle isn’t changing minds and anyone still undecided is clearly brain dead. Right now we just have two massive groups furiously circle jerking while angrily staring at the opposing side. Frankly, its fucking creepy. There will be plenty of time for fighting, protesting and, yes, even circle jerking after the election. Until then, everybody should just shut the fuck up for a few months.