Sheboygan Depress (https://sheboygandepress.com/author/sheboygandepress_3mrfo5/page/16/)
“It seems he was part of a really disgusting movement. Just the thought of it makes my stomach hurt,” said Town Chair Chet Brix. “Number two, he did a crappy job in general so it was best to do a clean wipe and start fresh.”
“8th street for one block south of Pennsylvania was closed for a few hours because of the protests,” said Lieutenant Hudson of Sheboygan Police Department. “We’re just glad everyone kept things peaceful.”
Sheboygan Breakwater Lighthouse with an uninvited guest on their way to Sheboygan. [s201_bai id=”2″]
“These confusing times call for outside-the-box thinking,” said Superintendent Alex Ellis. “We’re excited to have come up with such an innovative solution”
“It’s crazy! I don’t even write full articles; just headlines and a subhead and people eat it up,” said Chaz Cole, the 35 year old Sheboygan man that still lives with his parents. “Proof positive that people barely even read beyond the headline.”
“It would be super charming to hear him bumble through Wonderwall again,” said Emilia Mendez, 32.
“Look, I know they’re scientists, or whatever, but their findings are totally contrary to what’s convenient for me to believe,” said Gail Kuhn, self proclaimed master debater. “They need to stop using their years of education and experience to justify telling us what’s best.”
“We really want to give the illusion of transparent government,” said Marilyn Dunbar, chair of Common Council’s secret meeting committee. “We hope this is the perfect way to do just that.”
“CBD is amazing, but seriously, Family Video is selling the shit,” said Lisa Schultz, owner of New Leaf Boutique. “I guess I’ll probably try selling teas or something.”
“We wanted taxpayers to experience what it would be like if we actually spent tax dollars improving infrastructure,” said City of Sheboygan Administrator Rod Fox. “This way they can go drive on a smooth road from time to time and we can continue to bury them in debt for long-shot economic development projects”