News
Scientists boring deep into earths crust unexpectedly discovered “The Bar” last week
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“We have no idea how it was set so low,” said one scientist. “We are hoping to raise it, but we really don’t know where to start.”
News
Sheboygan wing joint tells locals, for 10,000th time, it won awards in some other city
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“The wings are great, but I don’t get why they tell us constantly what some random city thinks about them,” said one patron while trying to figure out how to lift their pint with sauce covered fingers.
News
Monthly article about the somewhat famous person from Sheboygan
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“One time I saw Sam going for a walk!” Said Ryan Klug, 29. “I was like, holy shit, I walk too bro, we should hang out!”
News
Acuity installs world’s smallest symbol of freedom at Sheboygan headquarters
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“It’s best viewed by microscope, but I assure you it’s there!” said the excited CEO Sven Dahlman. “It’s about 150 microns tall, or roughly double the width of a human hair!”
News
Super hip Sheboygan cafe just cafe in literally any larger city
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“The tattooed and pierced barista, the eclectic decor, the trendy music, it really makes me feel like I’m in one of, well, hundreds of cafes back home,” said Theo Elliot of Chicago.
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Airline stocks plummet after report shows politicians and business leaders have been flying by seat of their pants throughout pandemic
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“While Airlines stock values struggle, their longterm outlook is good as they will obviously be bailed out by taxpayers,” said financial analyst Jeff Carpoff
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Sheboygan Crime Cuffers seeking information regarding suspicious man spotted downtown
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A suspicious man doing graffiti on tires and leaving notes demanding money on vehicles has been reported in Sheboygan’s downtown area. The man drives a black pickup truck, has black hair, and often wears sunglasses. It should be assumed that the individual is armed. Any information leading to the individual could be eligible for a reward of up to $1000.
News
Sheboygan mourns loss of Regis Philbin, famous for saying the name of our city that one time
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“I’ll never forget that day, sitting on the couch, Cheeto dust on my fingers, watching my favorite T.V. Show, and then the question came on!” said Holly Xiong. “Regis will be truly missed.”
News
Local restaurant gets International Expatiate Certification, servers will now describe every menu item for at least 20 minutes
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“Every server had to go through an 18 month re-education program,” said local restaurateur Anthony Bruno. “It’s so important for our guests to know the p.h. of the soil at the exact time of day that their arugula was harvested before they take a picture of it and cram it into their face.”