Sheboygan Depress (https://sheboygandepress.com/author/sheboygandepress_3mrfo5/page/14/)
“WHAT!? YEAH! We’re doing our best to practice distancing, but we really missed going out,” yelled Joanna Mertz. “It was so easy to recreate the experience at home! Just feel how sticky the floor is!”
“It really gives me a sense of purpose when I get to point out there mistakes on Facebook before anyone else has,” said Amy Ward. “Its honestly pretty competitive you have to be quick!”
“Sure, the Mayor used to do what it now takes 5 high salary positions to accomplish,” said Sheboygan City Administrator Rod Fox. “When I was hired I promised to create new jobs and that’s exactly what I am doing!”
“I really don’t want China to have my data and I will not let Gates microchip me,” Said Jennifer Hermann. “That’s why I won’t be getting a vaccine and I put all my sensitive information on Instagram and Facebook, hopefully I can add TikTok to that list soon!”
“What are the symptoms? Yeah, those… they totally have them, so I guess we can’t play.” said Cardinals GM John Mozeliak. “They’ll be ready for the Cubs though, that should be an easy game, I mean, they’ll feel much better then.”
“This is a violation against our first, our fifth, and our nineteenth amendment rights, or something,” said a defiant Kyle Davis. “It’s un-American. People have died to protect my freedom to do whatever I want regardless of how it affects others!”
“You idiots are like 5000 years off. This plague requires you to put as few humans and animals in the same place at once as possible!” said a frustrated Yahweh. “Are you even listening to all the scientists I sent to help?”
“As a product of demonic nephilim, the idea that it will cause financial ruin is obviously wrong.” Said the Facebook founder and CEO. “We’re actually adding new features to the Facebook platform to help users find demon hookups and make it easier for them to relinquish their souls to Beelzebub.”
“Finally years of tax incentives and pushing high density housing projects has paid off!” said Dean Kaminski of the Sheboygan Area Economic Expansion Corp. “It’s all I ever wanted and now I’ll announce my resignation.”
