News
Texas AG releases video of him farting on photo of Joe Biden
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In it, Paxton holds a photo of the president elect, farts on it, and looks to the camera and says, “Pardon me”. No one is sure what he hopes to accomplish with this stunt.
News
Sheboyganites enjoy drive-thru holiday light show; grateful for food insecurity making it possible
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“I am just really proud that we live in a society that allows people to go hungry so we can put on great events like this,” said event organizer Pamela Clarke. “It also allows many of us to get the random crap we bought on accident out of our pantry.”
News
Aspiring old white guy to challenge current old white guy for mayor
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“With 30 to 40 more years of political experience, I hope to reach a level of power where I won’t have to be accountable for being as out of touch, and ineffectual as our current mayor,” said Mayoral candidate and Common Council President, Brian Jorgensen.
News
Opinion: Sexual relations with one’s copies should be considered masturbation
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When we achieve the ability to duplicate ourselves, like in the 1996 film “Multiplicity” starring Michael Keaton, sexual contact with copies should be considered masturbation; not incest. This should be established now so, when the time comes, no one is calling me sick for giving myself brojobs.
News
Michael Flynn was paid to represent Turkey’s interests; president pardoned both
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Turkey that received the presidential pardon was found to have ties to Russian oligarchs and was involved in money laundering schemes. Michael Flynn plead guilty to lying to the FBI about his affiliation with Turkey.
News
Diversity committee proposes renaming city Sheboythem to be more inclusive; upsets everyone, equally
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“We were so sure it was a good idea, we didn’t even ask anyone from the LGBTQ community for their opinion,” said Whit Altman, the committee’s chair. “I think we are being treated unfairly. The only positive comment I’ve heard was suggesting changing our tagline ‘We don’t see color’ by adding ‘and we can’t hear tone’. So that was nice at least.”
News
Packers demand commissioner overturn results of OT loss to Colts
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“Football games are four quarters. Any points counted after four quarters are fraudulent and must be thrown out,” said Aaron Rodgers, in a morning press conference. “We scored more touchdowns. A lot of their points came from field goals, or, as I call them, fraud goals.”
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QAnon follower watches Sesame Street for month straight; stops believing
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“I saw Q was the letter of the day and thought it was a communication,” said Karlie Graham of Howards Grove. ” I started watching religiously. Slowly I learned basic reasoning and critical thinking and had a truly great awakening. How could I have been so foolish?”
News
As small businesses struggle, owners wish they had been more supportive of summer riots, arson
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“I value property over other people’s health or safety, so naturally I was angry about businesses being torched,” said Bill Richards, owner of The Deaf Mule Restaurant. “…but now, especially with no stimulus in sight, I wish someone would have just burned this fucker down.”
News
With Armory almost gone, City Planner Belichick admits he’s never maintained erection
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“I could never find anyone to use the thing so it just felt like too much effort to keep it up,” said Sheboygan’s Head of City Planning, Chad Belichick. “When it was up, I was usually fantasizing about how to take things away from the community, but now that I’ve helped get rid of most of Sheboygan’s coolest features there’s really nothing going on down there.”