Sheboygan Depress (https://sheboygandepress.com/category/news/page/10/)
“Despite the Tavern League, and republican lawmakers being unwilling to let me do my job, or do theirs, I wanted to let you folks know I am doing okay,” said the Governor in the video in which he appeared to have his hands tied.
“I look forward to continuing to make America Great in the Oval Office Gentlemen’s club, in beautiful Green Bay, Wisconsin,” said President Trump on Monday.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. It was so big it actually made noise throughout it’s decent,” Said Joseph Holmes, a witness of the event. “It sounded like it was whining and yelling wild conspiracy theories the whole way down.”
“The president told patriots to watch the poles and make sure no one uses them to do fraud,” said one of the militia members, Chad Cox. “We figured this was the best pole to watch to protect our freedoms.”
“We’ve manufactured every crisis over the last year to increase voter turnout and sell more stickers and it worked better than we ever imagined,” The leader of Big Sticker said while laughing maniacally. (THIS IS SATIRE. DON’T BE AN IDIOT. GO VOTE!)
“Just another group of mask wearing radical socialists asking for handouts,” said Sally Harris, an organizer of the boycott. “Their masks never even scare me. Just more proof that they aint effective, but you won’t see that in the news!”
Park on the side of the street corresponding to whether the next hour added to the current temperature is odd or even. Cars must be moved within the first 5 minutes of a new hour, or temperature change. While Mercury is in retrograde, do the opposite. Residents with no off-street parking will automatically receive one $50 parking ticket weekly.
“The absolute best way to keep families safe from the type of regressive policy I’d enact is by ensuring I stay on vacation,” said Representative Dogma. “That’s why it is so important to vote for me.”
“A child’s education isn’t a big deal. There is always the next generation,” said Superintendent Ovaltine. “Keeping bars and restaurants open, on the other hand, is of utmost importance.”
“He told me to tell you that he is the most full of shit person I have ever examined,” Said Dr. Joey Mengele III, PHD.