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“Even Trump nominated Supreme Court Justices and Fox News have joined,” said Deep State spokesperson, Jeffrey Mason. “The only people in power that aren’t members are the Trump family, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh. Regardless, maybe it’s time to go back to using our original name, the State.”
In it, Paxton holds a photo of the president elect, farts on it, and looks to the camera and says, “Pardon me”. No one is sure what he hopes to accomplish with this stunt.
“I am just really proud that we live in a society that allows people to go hungry so we can put on great events like this,” said event organizer Pamela Clarke. “It also allows many of us to get the random crap we bought on accident out of our pantry.”
“With 30 to 40 more years of political experience, I hope to reach a level of power where I won’t have to be accountable for being as out of touch, and ineffectual as our current mayor,” said Mayoral candidate and Common Council President, Brian Jorgensen.
When we achieve the ability to duplicate ourselves, like in the 1996 film “Multiplicity” starring Michael Keaton, sexual contact with copies should be considered masturbation; not incest. This should be established now so, when the time comes, no one is calling me sick for giving myself brojobs.
Turkey that received the presidential pardon was found to have ties to Russian oligarchs and was involved in money laundering schemes. Michael Flynn plead guilty to lying to the FBI about his affiliation with Turkey.
“We were so sure it was a good idea, we didn’t even ask anyone from the LGBTQ community for their opinion,” said Whit Altman, the committee’s chair. “I think we are being treated unfairly. The only positive comment I’ve heard was suggesting changing our tagline ‘We don’t see color’ by adding ‘and we can’t hear tone’. So that was nice at least.”
“Football games are four quarters. Any points counted after four quarters are fraudulent and must be thrown out,” said Aaron Rodgers, in a morning press conference. “We scored more touchdowns. A lot of their points came from field goals, or, as I call them, fraud goals.”
“I saw Q was the letter of the day and thought it was a communication,” said Karlie Graham of Howards Grove. ” I started watching religiously. Slowly I learned basic reasoning and critical thinking and had a truly great awakening. How could I have been so foolish?”
“I value property over other people’s health or safety, so naturally I was angry about businesses being torched,” said Bill Richards, owner of The Deaf Mule Restaurant. “…but now, especially with no stimulus in sight, I wish someone would have just burned this fucker down.”