Sheboygan Depress (https://sheboygandepress.com/author/sheboygandepress_3mrfo5/page/17/)
“I don’t know where all my unique ideas come from, but I am truly grateful for the community’s support,” said Craig Gee, local business pioneer. “I think next I will open a place with a high counter and stools for people to socially consume alcohol at.”
“Sheboygan is so lucky to have this undeveloped land with unobstructed lake views,” said Dean Kaminski of the Sheboygan Area Economic Expansion Corp. “We’re excited to see it developed so those that can afford it can continue to enjoy those gorgeous views”
“Olive Garden isn’t coming. Stop being so thirsty; their food sucks ass,” said Mayor Mike Vandersteen. “Don’t believe everything you see on the internet, idiots!”
“I’m pretty sure it was an impostor,” said one disappointed supporter. “Mike Pence knows masks don’t do nothing for yourself and he certainly doesn’t care enough about anyone else to wear one.”
“In the beginning I cared about being correct, but now I’ll say just about anything to get someone going,” said Bob Hirsch, 58. “Honestly, I am just really lonely and want someone to talk to.”
“She insisted on driving, which I thought was great at first, but I quickly realized she would only make left turns,” said the Record-breaking NFL quarterback. “It took hours to get anywhere, I just couldn’t take it anymore.”
“PJ slapped the bar telling me I couldn’t sleep here and everyone started laughing and clapping,” said the man whom spoke with the Depress on the condition of anonymity. “I wasn’t even sleeping, I just put my head down for a second.”
“So… um, problem solved, I guess?” said a relieved Sheboygan Health Department Director, Susan Medina.
“Most of us are anarchists,” said Leila the sheep, the protest organizer. “Modern liberals are no better than the right. They are wolves in our clothing and we are tired of the comparison.”
“Its a very exciting moment,” Said Mayor Mike Vandersteen, “I look forward to seeing what gets developed here for future generations to demolish.”