Smoke clears in the Midwest just as people get ready to loot

Residents of Wisconsin will have to wait until the next protest or natural disaster to get their free goods, as the smoke cleared early Friday morning. Quoting an anonymous resident: “I was looking forward to a new TV, looks like we’ll just have to wait a week or two for the next climate disaster, pandemic, or police involved shooting.”

Culver’s new PB&J Burger too much flavor for Sheboygan

Released as a test item in Sheboygan, Culver’s rolled out a new Peanut Butter, Bacon and Jelly burger this week. Reviews are coming back as “Too much flavor” and “Why mess up a good thing with all this nonsense?” The midwest fast food chain is still trying to decide if Sheboygan’s taste buds are to be trusted. Have you tried this? or are you a normal human being?

Midwest goodbye extends into third day, emergency services called.

Sheboygan residents worried as local family owned bar didn’t open Monday morning. Upon investigation, the family who runs the bar was found dehydrated at the home of “Uncle Bob” who was still telling his story about the deer he shot 10 years ago as everyone was wheeled out and sent to Froedert. The bar is looking to be re-opened by the weekend.